There’s nothing better than ripping an AMC (After Meal Cigarette), especially on Thanksgiving when your tummy is full of table wine and Aunt Jemima’s stuffing.
The trouble is, most Americans no longer tolerate smokers. Even if you’re standing a 100 yards away, our modern puritans will shame you if you dare fire up a heater. (RELATED: One Hero Fired Up An Airplane Dart, Taking A Huge Stand For Every American)
But fear not, dear reader. Scoops is here to help you quietly escape the table so you can blast your cig in peace without listening to your blue-haired niece’s girlfriend blabber on and on and on about the queer literature class she took at Bowdoin.
How To Sneak Away From Thanksgiving Dinner To Blast A Cig With Your Edgy Cousin
Option 1.) A timeless classic: you go for a walk with your cousin to catch up, and maybe take the family dog along for the ride.
Option 2.) You know there’s extra cranberry sauce in the basement, but you pretend it’s gone then drive out to run a quick errand. After your cig, you return to the dinner with the sauce from the basement.
Option 3.) If you have a girlfriend or boyfriend who hasn’t yet made the Thanksgiving Dinner Cut, tell everyone you’re going outside to call and wish them a happy holiday.
Option 4.) You agree to have a football catch with your 13-year-old nephew and rip your Parliament as you throw perfect spirals. Afterward, however, you’ll have to issue some kind of threat so he won’t narc. Scoops recommends blackmail using screenshots of his iPhone browser history.
Option 5.) This is the nuclear option. You’re too drunk to give a rat’s ass. You go straight to the back deck and light one up, no cap, like this hero.
Happy Thanksgiving (and enjoy those heaters).
– Scoops