A bill potentially banning the soul-crushing, brain-melting, civilization-destroying Chinese spyware app known as TikTok passed the House on Wednesday with a huge bipartisan majority.
This despite the best efforts of Trump-adviser-turned-corporate-shill Kellyanne Conway, who has held multiple meetings with lawmakers on behalf of her paymasters at Club for Growth. It’s worth noting that billionaire Jeff Yass is a major donor to Club for Growth and also has a $33 billion stake in TikTok.
Politico, citing an unnamed source, reports that Conway showed lawmakers a poll she conducted, which found that “almost half of independent voters would be less likely to vote for a candidate who bans the app, while a plurality of Republican users, 40 percent, said the same.”
I’m assuming the survey sample here consisted entirely of machine elves Conway encountered during an intense DMT trip. Almost 40 percent of GOP voters are 65 or older. The only thing they know about TikTok is that it’s the reason they can’t bond with their mentally ill grandkids.
Only 30 percent are under the age of 49. This woman expects our elected representatives to believe that there’s a statistically significant share of quintagenarian Republican TikTok stans who are going to survey all the issues — crime, immigration, inflation, Ukraine — and then vote blue over a smartphone app? Why? Because they have to scroll through YouTube Shorts or Instagram Reels instead of giving Xi Jinping a direct window into their rapidly liquifying cerebral cortexes? (RELATED: House Passes Bill That Forces Chinese Parent Company To Sell TikTok)
I want to see how they phrased these questions, because there seems to be some shenanigans afoot.
Even if Kellyanne’s “poll” had the slightest shred of credibility, the correct conclusion would be the exact opposite of the one she’s pushing. If banning TikTok really is the third rail of American politics, then Republicans should pass the bill and let Joe Biden fry himself by signing it (as he’s said he will).
But the saddest part of this whole tragicomedy isn’t that Conway is pushing obvious absurdities. It’s that she’s doing so on behalf of the same app that turned her own daughter into a pinko internet prostitute who hates her guts.
If you haven’t yet, meet Claudia Conway. You can get *ahem* very well acquainted with her via her Instagram, TikTok and Playboy.com accounts. She doesn’t have an OnlyFans yet, but give it time. Oh, and she’s “queer.” Of course she is. She grew up on TikTok.
@claudiamconwaydirty mirror♬ original sound – officialsupremeaudioz
But hoeing is just a side gig for the 19-year-old political consultancy scion. She first shot to fame in 2020, when journalists discovered Claudia’s TikToks, in which she implied that her mother (who she refers to as “Kelly”) was uneducated, taunted her over Trump’s 2020 election loss, called for Trump to be “extinguish[ed]” and parroted normie lib talking points on abortion, BLM and LGBT issues.
When her father took to Twitter to ask adult journalists to stop contacting his minor daughter without parental consent, she responded by posting, “[Y]ou’re just mad that i’m finally getting my voice heard. [S]orry your marriage failed.” (RELATED: QUAY: Give Kids Cigarettes, Not Smartphones)
Michael Corleone had it right here — “Don’t ever take sides with anyone against the family.”
While you’re under your parents’ roof, you don’t get to disparage them in any public forum. Nor should you do so once you’ve moved out. This is rule number one for preserving civilization. God told the Israelites to “honor your father and mother” if they hoped to last long in the Promised Land, and Confucius called filial piety the “root of humaneness” and civic order. Chinese TikTok serves kids content designed to turn them into educated, patriotic citizens instead of ungrateful gay communist thots, so it seems like the East got the message a lot better than the West. (I have a theory about why, but that’s a topic for another column or possibly a whole book).
The national security case for banning TikTok (or at least forcing its Chinese parent company to sell it off) is strong, and I’m glad the profusion of pro-Hamas content finally convinced Democrats that the app might hurt them with young voters. (RELATED: The Collapse Of Teen Mental Health — And Deadly Mass Shootings — Can Be Traced To One Single Trend)
But I wish a few lawmakers had the cojones to stand up and say, “China or no China, we’re banning TikTok because it erodes the social fabric of this country. We want our kids to be mentally healthy, not suicidally depressed or afflicted by self-diagnosed Dissociative Identity Disorder. We want our kids to read books and pursue meaningful hobbies, not scroll through their phones for hours on end. We want our kids to carry on our values, not despise them. We want our kids comfortable in their bodies, not brainwashed into seeking out chemical castration or surgical mutilation.
“So hell yes, we’re banning TikTok. And we’re banning kids from YouTube Shorts and Instagram Reels and any other app or social media platform that seeks to strip-mine our children’s dopamine systems for profit. And no amount of Big Tech lobbying money will ever change our minds.”
Grayson Quay is an editor at the Daily Caller.
The views and opinions expressed in this commentary are those of the author and do not reflect the official position of the Daily Caller.