Complete And Total Shutdown On Men Letting Themselves Get B*tch Slapped On Spring Break

Something is happening to American men.

Testosterone levels are plummeting, men are not smoking, and the churches go empty Sundays. Fertility rates are so low it’s like this country decided to turn bright communist red overnight by all but embracing China’s old one-child policy. Fewer men are nabbing college degrees, and if they do, they use them to get soul-crushing office jobs where they waste days, months, years moving numbers around in Excel, dealing with frumpy HR women, sitting through pronoun struggle sessions.

However, the latest warning sign that American men are morphing into gelatinous soy cretins might be the worst of all. (RELATED: Liberal Women And Their Beta Boyfriends Have Declared War Against Humanity’s Greatest Pastime)

During spring break At Backyard Fort Lauderdale, bartender Aiyana Callas serves up her “Hurricane Shots” for 30 bucks a pop. It’s not a normal shot, however, but what shot is at such a ludicrous price?

Young college men — perfectly comfortable emasculating themselves in public— take the shot from a glass held in Callas’ mouth, before she douses them with cold water and delivers a Novak Djokovic forehand straight across the face. It’s depressing to watch.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jp0gSZO2TQ4&t=6s

 

So what’s going on here?

Spring break is obviously a time to blow off steam, throw back some libations (this columnist is certainly not opposed to that), hit the links with the boys, and perhaps make some socially acceptable bad decisions, like hitting a pitching wedge on the Par 3 over water instead of your trusted 9-iron.

But letting a bartender in a skimpy neon bikini b*tch slap you for 30 dollars? Not the move. You can be a tasteful degenerate and not have your ball sack shrivel up in the time it takes Hurricane Aiyana to land some high cheese on your cheek. (RELATED: Every American Male Needs To Read One Book To Take Their Country Back)

The popularity of the “Hurricane” shot (Callas reportedly made $6,000 in one night) underscores the troubling times in which men find themselves.

Men today, especially younger men, are getting b*tch slapped, literally and metaphorically. They’re getting b*tch slapped at the office every time they forget Xir/Xim’s proper pronouns. They’re getting b*tch slapped on first dates when the Gen Z girl asks them who they voted for in 2020, or if they’re allies with the LGBTQABCDEFGH community. They’re getting b*tch slapped because they have no respect for themselves. No dignity.

There are many ways to cultivate respect for oneself, and none involve the “Hurricane” shot. Going to church; cutting back on Zyns; reading classic literature and Scoops columns; finding a conservative sheila to marry; finding a conservative sheila to marry who vaguely resembles Sydney Sweeney; finding a Sydney Sweeney-adjacent conservative sheila to marry who’ll let you have foursomes with the boys and won’t nag you for buying a new driver every six months — these are all worthy and noble pursuits.

But first: a complete and total shutdown on men letting themselves get b*tch slapped on spring break.